I’ve had a revelation. I want to be known as a black and white photographer– monochrome only. I do this occasionally. I get the idea that I want to do this– I’ve waffled on this idea for at least 4 years now– and then I chicken out. I go with the crowd. I cower from being different. Here’s the thing I need to remember– I’m already different. So what if I book next to no weddings. So what if I do few family sessions. What’s different about that from now? So what if I do mostly personal work? At least my work will mean something to me. It’s not really that I struggle with color. It’s that my monochrome work is that much better than the rest. I know this. I can see it plain.
It’s been a hard Fall and early Winter. I’ve been depressed. I didn’t do resolutions this year. I never stick with them. I got a new purse since I’d been thinking of getting a new one since November and I went back to a paper calendar from Target, instead of using Google Calendar on my phone as I’ve done for the past year or so. That was the sum total of the changes I made for the New Year. I have been making a half-hearted attempt at using My Fitness Pal again so that I can lose some weight. But, I haven’t been exercising, so I am only doing half the work and not seeing much progress. We had a good vacation to see Jared’s family over Christmas. The trip lifted my mood for a good ten days or so. There was so much to do that I forgot I was depressed. I gorged myself on peanut brittle and it’s a miracle that I only gained three pounds during the holiday season, as much as I ate. The adjustment to being back home after the vacation was hard for a day or two. Thus, the shopping for a new, modest […]
This is mostly a copy/paste from a personal Facebook post published on October 5, 2018. On December 26, 2016, I wrote in my journal, “I want to photograph a wedding. “ I had mostly stopped taking pictures and wasn’t doing terribly well mental health-wise at the time. I’d stopped taking pictures a few months prior and was considering graduate school again, in a subject unrelated to art. Jared gave me a camera scarf and a journal with cameras all over it that Christmas of 2016, in the hopes that it would remind me to get out and take pictures. He told me to write my dreams for my photography in the journal. He told me to dream big. But, it was more than just the wanting to photograph a wedding. I dreamed of being in business with my photography. I’d had a business license for my photography in 2015. I never did a thing with it. Not a single thing. But in April of 2017, I set everything in motion all over again. I marketed. I spent more money on business stuff than I ever will admit to anyone other than Jared, who supported my dream more than he worried […]
I do limited photography for clients. Those limits are about to get even more constrained. For 2019, I will only commit to a max. of five weddings jobs, no more than one in a month. I will also do no more than a dozen portrait sessions, no more than one a month as well. I’ve found working more than this causes too many stress flare-ups and doesn’t leave enough time for me to work on personal photography work. I considered shutting down the photography business altogether and for a time I thought I would do just that. But really, there’s no need. It’s just I need to refine and work within my unique limitations.
So as I referenced very briefly, I am not working outside the home anymore other than photography. What that means is that I am in the process of establishing a routine and niche for myself at home. First up: tame the house. Family came and helped me clean the house before Christmas and it is a disaster already. Instead, I’ve been tinkering with photos. or crocheting a beautiful new shrug (this latest one has a hood!) Or reading blogs. Or listening to podcasts. Or napping. Anything to avoid the elephant in the room– the laundry and the messy house. I look at blogs and get home envy of all the people who can have stark white walls. This house though, lovely as it is, would look too sterile with its wood trim and bright white walls. It just wouldn’t have the same effect. And while the wood trim could be painted over, this house’s character, so much of it, comes from the wood trim accents all over the first floor. I am removing the panels of fake dividers over the windows. That is a project is in the process of happening now, and I love the effect. The house looks […]
It feels like I am getting my crap together, finally. I put together a two week plan to get this house in order. Yesterday’s agenda included straightening my desk It feels really great to have this space back in workable order. And because the kitchen was on Wednesday’s agenda, I can show it off, as well (excuse the paint brush and lawnmower spark plug on the kitchen counter. They sort of live there at the moment until J can deal with them). That’s all I’ve got so far, though the laundry is coming along as well. As well as doing all this, I am also trying to get my photo portfolio put together a little more prettily. I want to move everything back over to WordPress, though, and I probably want to move everything back to my .photography domain. My dream is to maybe, just maybe, shoot weddings someday. I am not ready to even second-shoot at the moment, but I want my photos to be ready so when I am ready I have it all put together to show other photographers and maybe eventually, potential clients. I’ve told myself for a long time that I shouldn’t want to be […]