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treatment

Expressive, Mental Health, Photography as Vocation, Writing

Working on Me

Yesterday and today, I’ve been doing some internal housekeeping. I rarely look at them anymore, but I felt compelled yesterday morning to get out the journals I kept from my last inpatient stay at the Local Friendly Mental Ward. For the most part, the theme of my journals was outwardly-centered:  I was worried about other people, not myself.  In fact, I could not concentrate at all on myself, as if it was a defense mechanism against falling apart completely. That’s a theme of what happens when I go psychotic:  I worry too much about other people, with pretty much no worry at all about what’s going on inside myself. It happened when I was 17:  I was worried about a good girlfriend. It happened when I was 18:  I was worried about a boyfriend. It happened when I was 19:  I was worried about another good girlfriend. It happened when I was 28:  I was worried about my employer. It happened when I was 30:  I was worried about yet another girlfriend and my employer. That’s the run-down, simplified.  There were side scenarios I was worried about each time as well, but above were the triggers.  Stress from worry made […]

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