Browsing Tag

Depression

depression, Mental Health, Writing

Caroline’s New and Improved 10-Point Mood Scale

The last time I was admitted to the outpatient program of the Local Friendly Mental Ward, I composed a 10-point mood scale to be used daily, to pinpoint where I am emotionally and what I can do each day to help manage my day. For the last several months, that mood scale has sat on my nightstand doing nothing, untouched. It occurred to me this morning that this document should be no different than my journal, or this blog, even.  For it to be relevant, the 10-point mood scale has to be a living document.  So, I revised it.  Feel free to modify for your own use!  The revision follows. Caroline’s 10-Point Mood Scale 0 = Depressed = Suicidal. Hopeless. Tearful. Angry. Sleep all the time. Tense.  High or low appetite.  Lethargic.  Irritable.  Difficulty concentrating.  Call Therapist.  Call Psychiatrist.  Call someone else safe and familiar with situation.  Go to ER….all viable options.  Do something healthy to distract, like knitting, or petting the cat, or watching TV, or finding inspirational sayings.  Journal.  Get through the moment…it will pass.  There is hope! 1 = Depressed = Hopeless. Tearful.  Sleep all the time. Angry.  Tense.  High or low appetite.  Lethargic.  Irritable.  Difficulty concentrating..  […]

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Be-Bop, depression, Family LIfe, Writing

Forgiveness, Please Find Me

So, here I am the morning after writing a scathing lament about being alone with the brand new Baby Bump, my very own Porter Price, in the NICU. Here I am, washed out.  I hid out at a local coffee shop last night for a few hours.  I had words with Jared, to put it nicely.  I cried myself to sleep last night. I want to be a nice person, I really do.  But the reality is, I’m not.  I hold grudges.  I never forget anything, ever.  I rarely forgive. Here we are, seven summers after that NICU nightmare, and I still feel the pain like it’s happening right now.  I relive the fear.  I ache with loneliness.  I sorely miss the women on my messageboard who were my rock that summer. Once, that bitty alien baby was the baby in that scary picture I posted yesterday, the one where I was holding my firstborn for the first time and he was screaming from the pain of being cold.  I was just about as equally uncomfortable at the time, terrified I would hurt him. You know what my worst fear on taking Porter home was?  I was afraid of holding […]

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Mental Health

Help is Out There

This is an R-rated post.  Teens should be supervised when reading what follows. September 10 is World Suicide Prevention Awareness Day.  I am not waiting until Saturday to start writing about it because this topic deserves much attention. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please call 1-800-273-TALK.  If need be, do not hesitate to call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room.  There are trained professionals who will take you seriously and support you.  There is always hope.  Hope always returns. In honor of my own struggle with depression and bipolar disorder, I’ve decided to write about my own suicide attempt.  I hope my ponderings here will help someone.  There is help out there.  There is hope even when it seems like hope will never, ever appear again. It’s been a long time since I talked about this publicly.  My treatment team members have always been aware of my attempt; I started talking about it in therapy right after it happened.  I’ve gone through fits and starts of denial that it happened but yes, it did happen.  I’ve whispered it a couple of times to people in conversation when it was appropriate.  But this is one of those […]

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