All Posts By

Caroline

depression, Mental Health

Well, It’s a Start

It’s been a rough month and a half. Some days I feel like I might be starting to see light. And then I get angry and retreat to my bed again. The featured photo is our cat, Nancy. She is our oldest son’s cat. I am feeling very protective and want to insulate my family. I am very angry about the current direction of our country. My psych meds probably kept me out of the hospital in June. I do not want to share my kids with people who voted for Trump, even family. Especially family. I lay all of this at their feet. There was plenty of evidence that voting for Trump was a bad idea. And we are seeing the fallout of voting for extreme conservatives in the name of Supreme Court nominations. I have problems even with people who only voted for him in 2016 but not 2020. The alarms were going off in 2016 too. Seeing the light in 2020 is too late. So I am taking less pictures of the kids, and Jared and I are not posting photos of the kids at all on social media anymore. When a memory pops up that I […]

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Expressive, Mental Health

I Don’t Know What To Say

I don’t even know what to say. I have been paralyzed most of the past month, and particularly more so in the past week. I haven’t been journaling, I mostly haven’t been taking pictures other than when I took Jared to the train station a little over a week ago. Writing in pubic doesn’t feel safe at the moment for a variety of reasons. I don’t know what is in store for this blog for the future. I don’t even know if I want to keep a blog in the future.

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a new baby
Expressive

A New Baby is in the House: GFX 50SII

A new baby is in the house: a New Camera A new baby is in the house. I have completely switched camera systems and I am ecstatic about this fact. With Jared’s blessing, I have sold all of my Fuji X Series gear to KEH. This is because there is a Fuji GFX 50SII in the house now. I thought I would desperately be missing my 50mm f1 lens. Or the 35mm f1.4 lens. But the kit lens from the 50SII is in another league altogether. I am not going to rush to buy a proper portrait lens for a good, long, while. This decision was not without much debate and heart searching. I have been pining away for Fuji medium format for years now– ever since I heard they were releasing a Fuji medium format camera in 2017. I honestly thought it would forever be out of reach due to price. But, the 50SII is, cost-wise, not more expensive than some full frame cameras with a lens. And that kit lens on the GFX50SII– it’s a 35-70mm f4.5-5.6, which translates into roughly a 17-35mm on the aps-c cameras I am used to shooting. It’s definitely not a traditional portrait […]

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happy

All is Well

All is Well: New House! New House! All is well: All went well with both closings, and voila! We have a new house. It’s pretty much my dream house and since we had new flooring done two days after closing (a week ago now), I am even starting to forget what the old flooring looked like. The boys’ bedrooms and the hallway have been painted, and movers move us in this next Thursday. We went with pleated shades instead of keeping the original mini-blinds. We’ve replaced a handful of light fixtures, and our painter has the goal of having the main living areas done before move-in on Thursday. The Babies MowMow, our cat, moved directly from the old house to the new house the day of closing on the new house. She desperately wishes we were already living there full-time– she has made it abundantly clear that she is lonely even though we check in on her at least twice a day and try to spend some time with her. All is well: Trixie and Abby have been champs at Mama and Daddy’s with us. Mama said she would keep Abby, which is high praise indeed for Abby. But she […]

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Expressive

Moving, Photos, and Hard Stuff

Moving Moving, photos, and hard stuff– We are moving out of our house a week from two days from now. The initial closing disclosures for the loan on the new house have arrived and been signed. It’s a for sure real thing, and I am excited. We drive by the new house at least once a day. Moving, photos, and hard stuff– I feel like I should be more in my feelings about this change, but I really only see it as a positive change. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to live in our current house. It has been a great place to live. It has made me less afraid of storms. It is a rock solid house. I feel like I have mellowed a lot in living here. And goodness knows, the equity that grew while we lived here the past five years has only helped our economic position. Moving The new house, though…..that is my dream house. That is the house we can move into and I will immediately feel like it is ours. There won’t be a million things I want to change about it. We are having painting and flooring done and a […]

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Expressive

New Favorite Lens: Fuji 50mm f1 and Motivation vs. Discipline

So…. yeah. This was taken with the legendary lens that Fuji produced last year, that to this date is still backordered with no end to the backorder in sight. Except, I managed to find a gently used one at KEH on Thursday. To say that I am in love would be an understatement. And it arrived at just the right time of year, with the Japanese tulips blooming: This is going to be my new workhorse lens for both personal and client projects. The zooms are great for weddings, the 35mm f1.4 has its place mostly inside, and the 50mm f2 will be relegated to probably macro work with the extension tube. This will be my new primary portrait lens; my profile photo on the front page of this site was taken today with this lens. All that’s left kit-wise is to pick up is an extra Godox V1F flash at some point for receptions. But that is definitely something that can wait. The new lens refreshes motivation to get out and snap photos, but really, I am working on increasing discipline so that I continue working even when motivation is lacking. I’m going to be starting a new memoir-style […]

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