New Favorite Lens: Fuji 50mm f1 and Motivation vs. Discipline

So…. yeah. This was taken with the legendary lens that Fuji produced last year, that to this date is still backordered with no end to the backorder in sight.

Except, I managed to find a gently used one at KEH on Thursday.

To say that I am in love would be an understatement. And it arrived at just the right time of year, with the Japanese tulips blooming:

This is going to be my new workhorse lens for both personal and client projects. The zooms are great for weddings, the 35mm f1.4 has its place mostly inside, and the 50mm f2 will be relegated to probably macro work with the extension tube. This will be my new primary portrait lens; my profile photo on the front page of this site was taken today with this lens.

All that’s left kit-wise is to pick up is an extra Godox V1F flash at some point for receptions. But that is definitely something that can wait.

The new lens refreshes motivation to get out and snap photos, but really, I am working on increasing discipline so that I continue working even when motivation is lacking.

I’m going to be starting a new memoir-style series here over the next weeks. We’ll see how it goes; I’ve been frozen in a major depression for weeks now and it sort of bottomed out this week. The fact that I am able to post today means that it’s on an upswing for once– could be artificial because of the lens but I kind of don’t think so.

I finished Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert yesterday. SOOOOOO good. Timely too, because she discusses the discipline of creative work rather than sitting and waiting for inspiration to strike. That was something I needed to read for sure. It was an easy read, mostly read at the high school while I waited in the car rider line for Porter in the afternoons.

Next up has been an easy read so far, too: How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera. It’s a book about holistic psychology as recommended by my therapist.

I used to be a fairly disciplined person. Sort of. Then motherhood happened.

At any rate, I am taking discipline in small, measured baby steps right now. As in, as my therapist suggested yesterday, I set the timer and did dishes for 5 minutes. It turned out that 5 minutes wasn’t quite enough to get the massive amount of dishes loaded into the dishwasher, so I kept going just long enough to get the dishwasher started.

Little things like this can be monumental tasks some days. But yesterday, I managed to get the dishes done AND to rewash laundry and get it dried. I know, for those of you not well-acquainted with the type of chronic depression that consumes your whole body, mind, and soul that these may seem like non-negotiables.

Suffice it to say that yesterday was a win. Today has mostly been a win, as well.

Somewhere along the line, I stopped doing things by myself. It happened about the time Liam was born and I stopped working at Fernbank. I don’t know what happened, it doesn’t stretch to photo work but for tasks like going to the grocery store or other errands around town, I mostly defer to waiting around until Jared is available to go with me.

So today, there was a win: I wanted my lens and I’d had it shipped so I could sign for it at Dollar General, and I got notification that it had arrived. I hadn’t been awake long, but I thought of it for less than a second before I realized I didn’t have to wait for Jared to finish what he was doing: I could hop in the van and make the five-minute drive down the road by myself. So, I did.

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