self-care

Click Away & Social Distancing

I got to go to a photography conference (Click Away) last weekend, and that was tons of fun and I learned a lot. It was absolutely amazing to be around that many photographers and to see good people I’d met at the Clickin Walk last fall. Though, Click Away feels like it was a year or more ago now. It was a long, slow-motion week.

The kids are out of school for at least two weeks and I bet it ends up being longer than that. Jared has to go to work through the break.

You know, I did think about the dangers of going to the conference with a bunch of people from all over the country, while a virus was spreading. Reality had just not hit home yet. None of us were taking it as seriously as perhaps we should have.

I’ve been remarkably calm as our world slowly gets smaller for the time being. I guess when one feels daily like the world could end any moment, as I typically do, it’s easier to deal when there is an actual crisis.

Don’t get me wrong….I’ve turned to my long-held coping mechanism, crochet. I’ve got two blankets going at the moment, since I finished up my last one. And that’s mostly all I’ve done aside from meal prep in the last three days. The crochet has helped my mind not fall apart as I was unable to tear myself away from the news for the first couple of days. This is the first writing I’ve been able to do– I haven’t even been able to journal. I’ve been emotionally frozen.

Ironically, three nights ago was a short night but aside from that, I’m sleeping fine. Aside from bizarre dreams about exes that in no way match up to reality. I’m guessing that my subconscious being anxious is bringing out issues it thinks are unresolved for my brain to chew on.

Yesterday was the first test. We were to go out for a ride to get my prescriptions from the pharmacy and so that Jared could go into the store for a few items that needed restocking in our pantry. Jared is our designated go-out person since he has the best immune system in the family.

I was snippy with him from the moment we got in the car though, and it quickly became apparent that going to any store was going to be a severely anxiety-inducing experience, even if it just meant sitting in the parking lot. Jared brought me and the kids back home.

We did get out to my parents’ house later in the day and I mostly held it together.

Today, I snapped out of it. Today I am interested in housekeeping and getting the house in presentable shape. Today has been live-streaming church and laundry and sitting at the table as a family for a late lunch and Jared and I rearranged our office. And we watched “Stargirl,” my favorite movie of late. After watching “Frozen 2” for the second time.

We will start a new normal tomorrow. Honestly, it has been easier to get up earlier since all this started.

I’m kind of zen about the whole thing. What is going to happen is going to happen– it’s not that I’m not afraid and upset about the change in our routines, but I’m always a bit of a realist. The world is showing its face right now in both good and bad ways. I feel fortunate for my circumstances and my family’s circumstances– we’re not starving and we have enough to eat (and enough toilet paper without being absurd about it).

Sitting at home could be lots worse– the boys can reach out to their friends on the phone and online. I have yoga and meditation and crochet and photography and my pups and my writing to lean on. Honestly, my days won’t look much different than they do every day, as I’m a homebody anyway. I’ve tried to encourage the kids to get out in the yard but they aren’t interested and frankly, if they’re not out in the yard they’re not going to run into potentially sick people, so I haven’t pushed. The boys have just enough school work to help keep a sense of normalcy going. With the weather warmer, it is easier to fool ourselves that this is just an earlier summer break.

Keep safe and take care of each other, everybody.

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