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So This is What Happened Last Night…

I nearly did it. I had an interested party, even. I nearly sold my beloved X100F.

These things happen when I get into creative ruts. I start gear window shopping feeling intimidated by the Canikon machine and thinking about “what if’s” and all of a sudden, I send something to KEH more often than I list something publicly for sale. Trading something for something else, always taking a loss. My first thought is always that something shiny will kick start my creativity.

The thing is…..that X100F……it could easily last me 10+ years if I will let it. Most all of my gear will last me a gracious long time. That X100F is solid as a tank with a fantastic lens. Fits easily in any one of my purses. The original X100’s from 2012-2013 (mine is a 4th generation) are still going strong and have their praises sung about to this day.

But….

I got to thinking that it would be nice to have the double set up of two X-T2’s at weddings. There would be benefits to that setup.

I really did have the best of intentions. I was going to keep the X-T20 as my purse camera. I was going to buy a previous generation used X-T2 instead of springing for an X-H1 or an X-T3. The X-T2 is a camera I know inside and out and has duel card slots and it would be handy to have the identical cameras instead of having to take a split second to think about what camera I was using in the heat of the moment at a wedding. And I was going to do it such that there would have been zero feel to the household budget out of the deal, or my very meager business budget.

It was sort of sound business reasoning, I guess, but from a practical standpoint to my particular situation, it was ridiculous. I love weddings and I hope to do more of them. But I have 4 on my 2019 calendar, total, 3 of which are already completed. One more day of my 2019 in which dual card slots and a joystick for focus would make a tangible difference in my shooting habits.

And had I followed through with the sale, there would have gone my ability for macro photography outside my phone, because the X100F is the only camera I can do macro on at the moment. That was the rationalization I told myself when I straight-up traded my heavily used X-Pro2 for the X100F to begin with.

Most days I don’t mind being different. I’ve been different in one way or another my whole damn life. But, sometimes it’s hard being a photographer on the fringe, gear and software-wise. I LOVE my Fuji’s– the tactile switching of aperture and shutter speed and ISO just as cameras were originally designed to be– I could never get used to buttons or menus instead of having it right there to change. I would hate going to anything else even in the name of the Almighty full-frame. If I was going to spend that much money on a system I would be going GFX medium format. But, so much of the photography literature out there is geared toward Canikon. To make matters worse, I am using Capture One, which I wholeheartedly believe was and remains the right decision, but everybody and their brother tends to bend to the Adobe gods. Thus, they mostly all write about Lightroom and Photoshop.

So when I get in a creative rut, I tend to go looking around for things to read online. And so much of what I find to read tells me I am doing it all wrong. Which leads me to thinking about “what if,” which leads me to window shopping. It would be embarrassing to talk about the amount of gear I have bought and turned around and sold, so I won’t do it. Suffice it to say that I have experience with most of Fuji’s lenses.

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I came to my senses at bedtime last night after obsessing over the decision to list all evening. I took the listing down and wrote the interested party that the X100F is no longer for sale. I slept better than I have in a while last night, secure in the knowledge that I was breaking the acquire-sell cycle for once.

I know the answer is another personal project. I sort of gave up after the 365 project ended. I’ve known I need to be shooting more for several weeks. And it needs to be not client-related stuff or favors for church or others. It needs to come from my own creativity. Jared says it’s been a long summer and me being home with the boys has taken more of a toll than I realize.

Right now, though, I am not feeling drawn to being creative. I feel drawn to write sometimes, but that’s more because I know pent up thoughts make for an unhealthy me. It took me a long time this summer to adapt to our routine, but we have gotten into a routine. I am drawn to improving our house. I am drawn to swiffering the floors and sorting the toys. I am drawn to doing laundry daily so it doesn’t pile up. I am drawn to making sure the kids have their vitamins and tend to their own personal hygiene. I am drawn to mom stuff right now. And damn it, it just doesn’t feel like there is room for both mom stuff and creative Caroline stuff.

Another week and I will have more time on my hands than I will know what to do with. Ms. Ann and her school bus can’t get here fast enough.

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