Showing Myself Grace

Ending the summer with a depressive episode is hard. I am okay and it certainly isn’t as bad as it could be, but it’s been bad enough that I broke out the light therapy for mornings. I haven’t been in-the-bed-paralyzed depressed, but I’ve been more paralyzed than I like to be.

I’m trying to sever a relationship that is toxic, but it’s a years-long “friendship” which is hard to let go of. That letting go is part of what is bringing me down even though I know I am better off without this particular person in my life.

I’m also down that my time with Oliver at home is coming to an end, as he starts Pre-K in a week.

Even though I am not feeling the best emotionally, I am doing what I can to take care of myself physically. Here’s what’s saving me right now:

I get up in the morning and put my teapot full of water on to boil, for my pour-over coffee.

I take my medicines and supplements. In addition to my Synthroid and my Lo Loestrin FE, my current supplement regimen includes a One-A-Day for Women’s vitamin, Fish Oil, Co-Q-10, Biotin, and Alfa-Max alfalfa capsules. The fish oil and alfalfa capsules happen 3 times a day with meals. My Latuda is a nighttime medicine.

I sit down for light therapy for 45 minutes. I don’t sit exclusively for all this time– I usually make breakfast for the boys in the mix of this, too. So I am probably getting closer to 35 minutes of light therapy time.

While I sit for light therapy, I do a financial check in and check my regular blog and news haunts.

I do stretches. I have severe scoliosis and while the majority of my back is fused, the fusion does not include my neck and the scoliosis is creeping up my neck. Plus, with the fusion where it is, my shoulder blades need an extra workout to stay in shape. I also do modified crunches and arm strength training with little weights.

I’ve got a pretty luxurious hygiene routine at the moment:

  • At the recommendation of a friend, I am brushing my teeth with Cali White Activated Charcoal toothpaste in Pacific Mint.
  • I am toying with oil pulling with coconut oil once and sometimes twice a day.
  • I am getting better about flossing.
  • I am using Mother Dirt shampoo and Honest Company conditioner. I use the conditioner first and then shampoo the conditioner out. Once a week, usually on Sunday or Monday, I also use coconut oil as a pre-wash conditioner.
  • I just invested in some Vitamine Vitamin C serum for my face post-shower. I’ve only used it once so we’ll see over the next few weeks how it works out.
  • Post-shower while my hair is still wet, I use Briogeo heat protectant creme. I love the way this stuff makes my hair feel. I use it every day, whether I use the hair dryer or not. It doesn’t make my hair feel greasy at all and I do feel like it does what it is supposed to do. Plus, it smells really great.

I also invested in a new journal. I cannot give up paper journaling; it seems to be integral to my good self-care regimen. Typing out words doesn’t give the same tactile sensation to my brain. I was trying to fill up all my old journals first before I bought a new one but I found myself going back to old mental spaces when I read old journal entries. So a new start, it had to be.

That’s it for now. Simple grace, one day at a time.

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