Miranda Lens

Getting It Together and My Dream

It feels like I am getting my crap together, finally.

I put together a two week plan to get this house in order. Yesterday’s agenda included straightening my desk

It feels really great to have this space back in workable order. And because the kitchen was on Wednesday’s agenda, I can show it off, as well (excuse the paint brush and lawnmower spark plug on the kitchen counter. They sort of live there at the moment until J can deal with them).

That’s all I’ve got so far, though the laundry is coming along as well.

As well as doing all this, I am also trying to get my photo portfolio put together a little more prettily.  I want to move everything back over to WordPress, though, and I probably want to move everything back to my .photography domain. My dream is to maybe, just maybe, shoot weddings someday. I am not ready to even second-shoot at the moment, but I want my photos to be ready so when I am ready I have it all put together to show other photographers and maybe eventually, potential clients.

I’ve told myself for a long time that I shouldn’t want to be a full-time photographer for a living. I’ve been lying to myself for a long time. It’s ridiculous. I should stop doing that. I will do so, now. I want to be a full-time photographer and I want that to be the job that gets me off disability someday.

I’ve long gone back and forth about this idea. First, there’s the inherent self-esteem issues I deal with. Then, there’s the fact that, despite some folks seeming to like my photography, I’m a real critic of it. Then, there’s the whole fact that I shoot Fuji and the world of professional photographers seems to be hooked to Canon or Nikon and being different intimidates me. Which is even more utterly ridiculous given that I’ve done things differently my whole entire life. And it’s also ridiculous since I know for a fact that there’s a lot of pro photographers who do shoot Fuji. Just none in my town, that I am aware of.

But, there it is. I want to be a photographer. I want to make people feel happy as they remember their special times by looking at my pictures.

And because I have just spoken my dream aloud, I have to go hide under my pillow for a little while.

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