Expressive, Writing

From Automatic to Manual

If this photography class has given me nothing else (which it has already, by the way), it has given me the confidence to move away from the automatic settings on my camera to working with the manual settings.  My instructor swears that eventually I will be happier with the results from having more control over settings.  For now, though, mostly this means blurry shots.

I did manage to get this cool accident of a shot, of a door knob at church, complete with built-in effects.  I still haven’t completely figured out my shutter speed, obviously.

Mostly otherwise, it’s meant lots and lots of blurry shots because of the shutter speed issue.  I also have issues with white balance.

But, I think I like it. It will just take lots of practice.

I don’t do well with photographing people, though.  Jared is encouraging, but people are hard for me.  I much prefer shooting inanimate objects that have no opinion, don’t purposefully pose for the camera, and can’t get me in trouble.  Little details (like the doorknob I was trying to get here) are much more fun for me.

At first, I stressed over the assignment I will turn in tomorrow.  Documenting two days of my life is not that exciting.  Especially when one of those days was spent mostly comatose in bed, due to said stress.  I am not ready to explain to a roomful of fellow students about my illness or why my children are not at home during the day.

But that dilemma poses a different kind of question:  why would it matter?  I’m “out” about my illness.

It matters because I still very much care what people think of me and on first impression no one would know that something is out of sorts.  No one in that class has any reason to believe I am anything other than just a regular stay at home mom.

I thought about turning in shots of my medications.  I did take some.  Decided it was in poor taste, ultimately.  Art does not Abilify make.

At any rate, I managed the assignment just fine and am happy with the shots I will turn in.  But it does make me ponder, why the hesitation?

Because, the label “bipolar” carries with it societal connotations and, though I share it with those in my life and the larger internet (good grief, based on stats my lamictal allergy picture must be near-famous by now),  I am just not ready to be known as the “bipolar student.”  Though I know it shouldn’t, I still feel like it speaks to my credibility.  After all, it’s affecting my ability to be a worker right now.

So I purposefully napped through a good portion of my day yesterday, first bummed about the assignment and then bummed because I couldn’t figure out how to make one of the manual settings work.  Today was much, much, much better though.  Not manic-better, but I did manage to stay out of the bed all day and I managed to sort a good portion of my art supplies out. (An aside, I have 42 skeins of yarn!  And that’s the yarn that I’m keeping…I trashed or am giving away at least that much more!  I gained serious perspective on how much money I spend on junk today.)

So…yeah, manual settings, that’s what I wanted to talk about, right?  Sure.

Here’s another cool shot I got tonight, though right now to look at it makes me a tad dizzy.  Hope it doesn’t do the same for you.

That’s all for now.

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